well, if you want my new url, it's on my pm (: byebye blogger (:
btw, im busy now (: PSLC is taking over my world (:
Sunday, June 22, 2008 ?|11:14 AM
moving to livejournal, bye blogger (:
Saturday, June 21, 2008 ?|9:55 PM
byebye tagboard.
and im sorry if i misjudged you. actually, i never even judged -.- i merely ASKED him. this is the truth hate me or not, hahaha doesnt really matter.
but just know that, i never thought u were screwed up or whatever. i swear, or i'll get knocked down by a car.
taz.
i have half the mind to switch to lj. heh.
?|12:05 PM
just deleted a very illogical post. hmm
i really like this song alot.
alot alot alot.
because this was the song that i kept looping and looping in the darkest of this year.
when everything was uncertain, even the roof above my head was uncertain.
even though this song makes me remember a person whom I don't really wanna remember at the moment,
i think the niceness of the song and the sweetness of the song overrides the bad that comes along (:
walking like a duck now.
think i overexerted my muscles on thurs!
ohwell.
byebye(:
Friday, June 20, 2008 ?|9:16 AM
haha, finished my june camp stuff! (: left with chinese book review and a ton of other hw which i am not really planning to finish by hols.
anyway, hurrhurr, as I listen to Secondhand Serenade's Your Call, i start to snort at the song. one of the lines of the lyrics goes like this: "I am born to tell you I love you." I know it's supposed to be all sweet and all and i can't deny that my heart will be melted by the guy who says that to me and means it, but seriously, i think anyone who thinks that they are born for one person, they must be really.... emotionally weak and dependent.
I've grown to know that I don't live for anyone but myself, and a few worthy people like my family (: im sorry if i sound cynical, but isn't it super dumb to live for just one person? just one person of the opposite gender?
i don't deny that if i'm attached, maybe i will become super dependent on that person, but seriously, is it really worth it?
I don't really beleive i am born just to live with another person. Rather, i think of such love as a gift, a bonus from heaven. I can live very happily with this love, and I can also live without it.
everytime i see some friends around me who make love their whole world, it makes me question myself: do i want to be like them?
i don't think i want to. it's so highly dangerous.
why should your life, something so sacred a gift to us, to be dependent on this other external person?
maybe i'm just being arrogant, but i really don't know. but i don't think losing one person will make another die.. i mean, when one door closes, another door opens. it's just a matter of time.
even so, life has so many more beautiful things for us to experience. other beautiful things like kinship, friendship, etc.
but maybe im just too fortunate now, and therefore i'm saying all this crap.
just a random thought of mine. x)
?|8:29 AM
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you Maybe I'm amazed At the way you pulled me out of time And hung me on a line Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you
Maybe I'm a girl and maybe I'm a lonely girl Who's in the middle of something That she doesn't really understand
Maybe I'm a girl and maybe you're the only man Who could ever help me Baby won't you help me understand
Maybe I'm a girl and maybe I'm a lonely girl Who's in the middle of something That she doesn't really understand
Maybe I'm a girl and maybe you're the only man Who could ever help me Baby won't you help me understand
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time Maybe I'm afraid of the way I lead you Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song Right me when I'm wrong Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you
im amazed (:
beautiful song (:
Thursday, June 19, 2008 ?|9:20 PM
one last cry.
?|8:17 PM
With 1st of July drawing near, I'm filled with mixed emotions. I really don't know what I should expect.. will it be a success? or will it be a failure which then leads to an eternal goodbye? i know the model thing to do now is to ignore this fear that i have inside of me that's tugging me even more often as the date gets closer, but can i?
i really can't imagine what it will be like. i really can't.
I know the time will come, it's only sooner or later, but can it come later, please?
I really don't know what to expect.. I just want all to be well..
okay, back. Anyway, it's funny how time actually flies when you don't bother noticing it. It's already the end of june holidays, and everyone is talking about homework and more homework. I should really be finishing up my homework now, what am i doing here man?
one : no mood.
I really really feel that i deserve one tight slight across the face, for slacking right now. there are so many people in this world working their butts off for their goals, me?
just blog and get nothing out of it. cut the crap about getting better at english, this isn't even standard english.
I'm not tired, really. Not psychologically, not mentally.
I just feel so ashamed of myself.
I want to be stick thin. I need to be stick thin. if not i will never be able to lift my head up.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008 ?|7:33 PM
as i look at some seniors blogs, i got kinda curious, what's gonna be like the same time, next year?
i know it's kinda stupid that im starting to think, cos for one: 1) will i even make it across the bridge? 2) will i still be me? 3) will everything still be the same?
obviously no for all 3. well, okay fine. maybe if i appeal..... i may still get to cross the bridge. but judging from my results now? -snorts- fat hope.
one of the blogs i read made jc life so cool. pasting random notes in lockers, etc. etc.
is it really so cool? then on another note,
i just heard some jc people complaining: "aiyoh, if i know jc so tough, might as well go poly."
so what will it be?
?|11:39 AM
and that passion is reignited (:
having a really bad flu. dunno whether going for training tmr. TA training starting in july. block tests in july. PSLC in july. everything in july HELP!
malay eoys in august. malay oral olevel in august. ndp preview in august. less things in august =D
byebye.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008 ?|10:17 AM
Just had a really really nice talk with ryan (: it's really really comforting to just blab all my very very messed up thoughts in my head to him, and somehow, as the discussion goes on, my head gets clearer, the picture gets clearer, everything gets better.
I really don't know why, but i always like to think deep once in awhile. Questioning the simplest things on earth, like why am I me? Why am I looking through my eyes to see the world? What will it be like if i looked through another's perspective? Why can't we jump from person to person.
It really gets confusing, really. Today I questioned love. And yes, after the discussion, we both agree that love is underrated.
Think of the times you told someone you love them, but do you really? Not trying to be cynical here, but think about what love is. Can you give up your life for him/her? I'm not trying to parallel love to being able to give up your life for another, but point is, what is love?
If one doesn't even know what love is, how then, can they say the love another?
Right now, I find it hard to love anyone other than my family, and my 2 really really close friends. Well, of course it's mel and leen. How did I know I love them? 'Cause I know I can't afford to lose them. And to me, love is when I can't afford to lose that person in my life.
So there it goes, love comes in different definitions, to different people. Maybe that explains why couples go on fighting and squibbling about whether their other half loves them. Cause in a simple fact, everyone loves differently and views love differently.
Not denying, I am on bad terms with one of my close friend. And what happens? I find myself checking her blog every single time I use the comp[everyday] and sometimes even 2/3 times a day all because I'm worried about her. I ask others about her well-being. I think of her when I'm out with my friends, wondering if I should ask her to join the fun. To me, this is love. Because I really want the best I can give to her, and like my brother analysed, I'm having trouble getting away from her. I can't let go.
So, what is your definition of love? Have you underrated love?
I know I haven't, though i used to underrate love.
Maybe that's why, I find it so hard to love anyone now.
Monday, June 16, 2008 ?|8:39 PM
?|7:18 PM
everyone is asking me the same old thing. why am i so mean to you? hmm. i really don't know.
maybe it's because i don't dare to give my all ever again. maybe it's because i dont dare to ever rely on anyone other than myself again.
you are the only one whom i've ever met that's almost near perfection.
i know i will regret for life if i drive you away one day.
but i just can't allow myself to fall so deep ever again. i don't wanna go through anything like the "human zombie" ever again.
i think i built a wall. a big solid hard wall, that no one has really tore down yet.
sigh:/
i wanna give my all, but how to?
?|7:52 AM
YO PEOPLE! :D hahaha june camp is over! well, i must certainly say that im VERY VERY RELIEVED [i was really nervous, sorry D:] but im also VERYVERY SAD ): cos it's the last camp for batch08
during camp, i certainly learnt alot. of course, i din learn mind over body like other camps, but more of how hard it is to be a mentor. how hard do we push them, so that they will learn, but where do we draw the line?
father's day yesterday. hurray (:
okay, thats all, ta (:
Thursday, June 12, 2008 ?|9:32 PM
thank you for fulfiling another one of those fantasies that pisces people tend to daydream about (:
that moment you found me, time stopped. (:
?|2:21 PM
也不晓得为何自己在哭， 为什么眼泪一直不停的流。
原来欺骗你，是如此的容易。 原来一个人到处走，是如此的寂寞。
原来你也跟别人没什么不同。
原来， 原来，
原来这世界， 就是这样。
?|1:06 PM
Jee +17] 202 WVHS I shall learn to let go. to give up... says: lol!! Jee +17] 202 WVHS I shall learn to let go. to give up... says: u leh louisa(; says: hahaha louisa(; says: im married louisa(; says: TO MY RACKET!!!!!! Jee +17] 202 WVHS I shall learn to let go. to give up... says: lol?????????????? louisa(; says: LOLLLLLLLLL XD Jee +17] 202 WVHS I shall learn to let go. to give up... says: wth louisa(; says: my racket gives me all the happiness in the world Jee +17] 202 WVHS I shall learn to let go. to give up... says: ..........
TALK ABOUT LOVE! :D i love my racket :D
Wednesday, June 11, 2008 ?|10:23 PM
baked cookies today! (cue: drool everyone, drool)
IT TURNED OUT TASTY :D daddy ate almost the whole jar =O
friend finished all within half a day! =O
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
okay, BYEBYE :D
[oh gosh, the whole world is falling in love all over again. love's a season eh? HAHAHAHA.]
it's better to love, than to be loved.
?|8:04 PM
ds, sorry! i couldnt upload ur blogskin! some script error :/
Fall back Take a look at me And you'll see I'm for real I feel what only I can feel And if that don't appeal to you Let me know And I'll go 'Cuz I flow Better when my colors show And that's the way it has to be Honestly 'Cuz creativity could never bloom In my room I'd throw it all away before I lie So don't call me with a compromise Hang up the phone I've got a backbone stronger than yours La la la la la la La la la la la la la La la la la la la
[chorus] If you're trying to turn me into someone else Its easy to see I'm not down with that I'm not nobody's fool If you're trying to turn me into something else I've seen enough and I'm over that I'm not nobody's fool If you wanna bring me down Go ahead and try Go ahead and try
You don't know You think you know me like yourself But I fear That you're only telling me what I wanna hear But do you give a damn Understand That I can't not be what I am I'm not the milk and cheerios in your spoon Its not a simple hearing but not so soon I might've fallen for that when I was fourteen In a little more dream But its amazing what a couple can mean La la la la la la La la la la la la la La la la la la la
[chorus]
Go ahead and try Try and look me in the eye But you'll never see inside Until you realize, realize Things are trying to settle down Just try to figure out Exactly what I'm about If its with or without you I don't need you doubting me
[chorus]
La la la la la la La la la la la la la La la la la la la
Would you be laughing out loud If I played to my own crowd Try
once again, if ur observant enough it's the lyrics of my blog bg song.
?|8:27 AM
5 secs ago i wanted to post that i lost my sleeping bag.
but i found it! 4 secs ago :D (1 sec of reaction time *cough*)
As the footsteps of our life gets faster, what remains the same? More or less, nothing for me. Not even myself.
It's funny how i find myself changing so quickly, so rapidly. It's like a silent movie, flashing pass my eyes.
Almost half a year has gone by, what then lies ahead of the other half? I can safely say: Dread.
Yes, I dread the next coming half a year. Especially with olvls and eoys. I dread it to the last strand of my hair. But the thing that keeps me going is: Can I stop it? No.
Maybe if I was given a choice to choose a superpower, I would choose to manipulate time.
Just, think. If you can manipulate time, 1) Change past mistakes 2) Make history different (but point is, why?) 3) See the future, and change it if it's bad cos history affects future. 4) Make time be still, and keep the beauty of life.
Rocks, eh?
"The secret ingredient is: Nothing."
It's easy to say that we are empowered within us, to be far greater than anything/anyone we are now. But, are we? How do I find the strength from within?
Just confused, me.
Monday, June 9, 2008 ?|8:29 PM
lalalala.
again, the thought resurfaces to close down this stupid blog :D
desheng, i'll upload your skin tmr!! PROMISE!
Saturday, June 7, 2008 ?|6:49 PM
sigh, i took a gamble, but i lost.
and you're my umbrealla. and you're my falling cushion. and you're that angel in my life.
thank you for holding up the sky for me when it all crumpled on me. i know you're tired, i know you're scared, as scared as me, or even more scared than me, but you still gave me the reassurance i need, the protection i need,
i'm won over.
?|12:07 PM
THE GUY'S RULES 1. Men are NOT mind readers. [absolutely agree, cos guys are too dumb to be one :D ]
1. Shopping is NOT a sport And no, we are never going to think of it that way [hahaha, neither do i think shopping is a sport. :D ]
1. Crying is blackmail. [obviously it's a blackmail, but so what? it's a special patent right for girls :D jealous? ]
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! [sad thing is, most of the times, saying it doesn't work too. cause the "highly-intelligent" male sub-species will interprete it in a wrong way, so what's the point?!]
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question [Yes, i understand that your intelligence only allow you to have the vocabulary of "yes" and "no". oh sigh, i do pity you so. :D ]
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. [Agreed! Point is, usually, those solutions are more or less unfeasible!]
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. see a doctor. [If you're stupid enough to have a headache for 3days continuous and still not see a doctor, then well, maybe u really are stupid]
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. [Haha, history is important to us. And so is what has ONCE BEEN SAID.]
1. If you won't dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. [Just admit it, it's cause no many can act like soap oprea guys. Quite hard i guess, with the vocab of only two words. oh wait, 3, plus the name :D ]
1. If you think you are fat, don't ask us. you probably are. [True, though i make this mistake day after day :D it's the comfort that girls want. the reasssurance. ]
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way. [HAHAHA. funny :D]
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. [True.]
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. [?]
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. [Cause you're MCPs (:]
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows defaults settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit not a colours. pumpkin is also a fruit. we have no idea what mauve is. [the intelligence, sighhh. ]
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing". We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. [There, your eq isn't that advanced either]
1. If you ask a questions you don't want an answer to. Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape! ROUND is a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. yes i know i will end up on the couch tonight;
lazy to comment anymore xD this is so amusing xDDDD LOL
?|11:43 AM
I am wishing. Wishing really really hard. For them to accept. For them to trust. For them to empathise.
Please?
Friday, June 6, 2008 ?|9:41 PM
The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting Could it be that we have been this way before I know you don't think that I am trying I know you're wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breathe Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you Over again Don't make me change my mind Or I wont live to see another day I swear it's true Because a girl like you is impossible to find Your impossible to find
This is not what I intended I always swore to you i'd never fall apart You always thought that I was stronger I may of failed But I have loved you from the start Ohhhh
But hold your breathe Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you Over again Don't make me change my mind Or I wont live to see another day I swear it's true Because a girl like you is impossible to find It's impossible
So breathe in so deep Breathe me in I'm yours to keep And hold onto your words Cuz talk is cheap And remember me tonight When your asleep
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you Over again Don't make me change my mind Or I wont live to see another day I swear it's true Because a girl like you is impossible to find Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you Over again Don't make me change my mind Or I wont live to see another day I swear it's true Because a girl like you is impossible to find Your impossible to find
if ur observant enough, this is the lyrics of my blog bg song. lol.
I CANT WAIT TO SEE MY RACKETTTTTTTTTTT. CANT WAIT TO TRY IT OUT...........
HURRAY :D WHO WANTS TO TENNIS? DROP A COMMENT :D ANYONE. ANYONE ALSO CAN. :D :D :D
IM JUST DESPERATE TO PLAY TENNIS :D
Thursday, June 5, 2008 ?|6:31 PM
Time to stop playing, and focus back on studying and junecamp and pslc.
Monday, June 2, 2008 ?|8:22 PM
"The way I see it, If you want to see the rainbow, you have to go through the rain." cried many times today. it seems so unreal. that all these is happening.
it's as though i still feel like the next time i go for ________ i will still see your car, driving into the sch. we will laugh and joke, then get down to serious work.
i lost that motivation to go for ____ it will be so different, so entirely different when ur not there.
everyone cried. even as im typing this, i feel like crying my heart out.
i've never cried in front of schmates, but today, i did. in front of everyone. i cried. so did everyone else.
the moment i read that card, i cant help but believe that ur gonna leave. its as though that card, will be the last momento, the last goodbye, the last motivation.
"The way I see it" it's always how you start the sentence.
Thank you for the heartwarming cards.
Thank you for making me realise that tennis is more than just a sport, it's the love and passion for tennis that keeps us going.
SIGH. all i can think about now are cca matters, appearance matters and so on and so forth. went running. and as I was running, i suddenly thought to myself: what's the point of chasing after the perfect body? I'm not overweight, therefore in terms of health reasons, i dun have to lose weight.
Then I found the answer, because I have this ideology that the thinner I am, the more people will love me. And by people, I don't mean guys, or whatsoever, I mean people on the whole. I will havem ore friends Be cooler, etc. etc.
Then I thought, but the people who loves you, will always love you, no matter what shape or size you are, right?
But then, logical it may seem, I can't allow myself to fall into that thinking, it's just a lame excuse for me to stop dieting and exercising like some mad bull.
Oh well, anyway yeah, I have a new diet plan! After slacking for a month or so, exercise twice a day = run twice a day, or run once, then do normal strengthening. breakfast - 1 apple / 1 fruit lunch- half of a normal serving. dinner- depends. that morsel of rice i've always eaten, and veggies, very little meat.
hopefully this will make me thin :/ i know im being a superficial fatass by wanting to chase after that perfect figure, but if i really get that figure, i will feel so much better about myself. so much so much better. so those who are close to me, please support me. I need all your support, to watch what I'm eating when I'm too blinded by GREED.
On cca, well, was walking back from the park. and thought thru the past.. half a year or so. There were times at training that I wished I could die right there and then, and never be resurrected. I remember hating you so much, because the lazy old me couldn't bear to part with slack trainings. I remember building a wall against you, and not wanting to open up.
But you tore every brick, you banged through every door, and now, I can't forget.
I can't forget this season's laughter and tears. I can't forget all the physical training, drills, matches. I can't forget our first match, second match, third match, so on till the last match.
You made a team out of nothing. You made 10 players out of nothing. You made me a better person, out of nothing.
From hating trainings, to loving trainings, I changed. I know someone brought about that drastic change in me, I know it's you.
Like I've said before, this won't end. We won't let it end. All 10 of us.
This is not the end.
Because in the end, I wanna be standing at the beginning with you.
?|9:24 AM
Everything - Michael Buble.
You're a falling star, You're the get away car. You're the line in the sand when I go too far. You're the swimming pool, on an August day. And You're the perfect thing to say.
And you play your card, but it's kinda cute. Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do. Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true. Cause you can see it when I look at you.
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times It's you, it's you, You make me sing. You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're a carousel, you're a wishing well, And you light me up, when you ring my bell. You're a mystery, you're from outer space, You're every minute of my everyday.
And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man, And I get to kiss you baby just because I can. Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through, And you know that's what our love can do.
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times It's you, it's you, You make me sing You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times It's you, it's you, You make me sing. You're every line, you're every word, you're everything. You're every song, and I sing along. Cause you're my everything. yeah, yeah
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
